langkah ku

aku on9 dan tiba2,


"salam kak, dah study CP?"
"salam alaik, belum, haha"
"saya x study satu ape pun, frust. saya minta clash dan saya frust. dia x marah saya pun. tapi saya sedih sebab dia sangt frust. kak, saya x pergi pun interview PTD tadi"
"sabar, be strong dan banyk berdoa. insyaAllah akan diganti dengan yg lebih baik"
"aha, saya kene kuat, saya doa jodoh kami akan bersama jua"
"insyaAllah, ada jodoh x kemana. awak kene bagi clarification supaya dia faham dan dia akan kuat"


haha, i asked her to be strong to clarify all matters...but me myself, keep isolating avoiding and refusing to meet this one person who i claimed to hurt my heart..no attempt to seek for any clarification...what a pity poor asma'.


i just have to reflect and learn from all things that are around me...


1) the recent movies that i watch; love happens and the blind side... they are full of values that can motivate asma' to move forward and be a better person. to forget and forgive. to do good to other. ect.
2) the last page of quran that you recite today- alhujurat: 5-11. the ayah really reflect your situation. one of them, Allah says "sesungguhnya arg2 mukmin itu bersaudara, krn itu damaikanlah antara kedua saudaramu (yg berselisih) dan bartakwalah kpd Allah agar kamu mendapat rahmat". i need His rahmah. the person need that too. so, if we remain in this situation, the rahmah will be noway near us...astagfirllah..
3) advices from two friends; yong, you are an adult. stop being like a small child. be rational....yong, you are acted unjust by punishing both yourself and that person this way, this is okay if you want to avoid that person but please, stop being like this. move on.
4) the chatting it self, i asked other to be strong so, i should be strong too...


we can love loves but it should be reasonable, otherwise, the sufferings is greater that the normal hurt. haha. take care to all us and you, the person who i loved very much.

hari-hari ku

1)
teruknya kene 'dump' 
tido mcm tak nak bangun2
x nak jumpe sape2
berkurung
no communication
serious x kuat
hahaha


diizinkan, a good friend of mine tagged me in his note;
nama2 yg tidak akan dia dilupakan
it includes; orang yg pernah melukakan hati ect
haha, kalau aku, mesti aku x nak include name org yg pernah melukakan hati dalam list org yg tidak akan dilupakan..hahaha
cruel? revenge?
x elok sungguh...
smoga semuanya ok dgn segera..
lupakan dan just go on 


2)
rasa macam kene hempap batu atas kepala bila satu isu yg x nak dibincangkan dibangkitkan jua...
don't know how and what to respond
people see it is wrong but in fact, they just do not know
yes they have no idea what soever, but they come to that conclusion because it is what they saw
forgive me. i am sorry 
please, just stop questioning...
there is some things that cannot be shared.. yet
when the time comes, insyaAllah us all will know the truth


3)
a sister told me
"kak, kalau rasa 'something', try to read the stories of sahabah, insyaAllah ada banyak yg akk akan dapat."
i did
and masyaAllah, it is really helpful
the recent one, i read about abu ubaidah al-jarrah
he is an honest person, the prophet appointed him to be a judge in a village of an Christian society (well, the villagers asked the Prophet to send someone who can rule accordance to the principles of just and fairness) and even umar mentioned him as 'the man who is demanded by Islam' in one of his conversations with other sahabat.. last but not least, he killed his beloved father during a war between hisbul-Allah and hisbul-thaqhut (an ayah was revelled in consequence to that event) and, not forgetting, he lost his tooth because he used them to break the iron chain that was fixed to the Prophet in one of the wars...these stories really touched my heart.. he is a very truthful man and he sacrificed everything for Islam (i love my family and tooth very much-two important things in my life; obsess hahah)
so, prepare our iman well to answer any call that requires us to respond, in the name of Islam....


the interest of islam is always outweighed our personal interests, problems ect...

she is back!

i cant't imagine the feeling
when she is sitting next to me
the person that i know before
the same person who i love very much
and i care 
my hope and my light..


this is beautiful
great and Alhamdulillah..


Allah, it was hurting
bleeding inside me
no smiles and laughs
and if it was there 
it was a fake
not real
astagfirAllah


Allah, this journey is not pleasant
there are fires burning in many ways
there are even some extremely cold situations
rare to be moderate
balance and excellent


are those things meaningful?
don't know..
it is up to us, myself 
to really learn 


be strong as it will never be an easy decision
many things to be sacrificed
but keep praying so that an adorable ending is waiting for us ahead
ameen.......

witch woman

my youngest sister save my name in her contact list as 'witch woman'..
hmm, interesting..
i laughed (as far as i remembered) when i got to know about the story..
i heard, umi was mad and asking her to change it..well i love umi..tqvm..


the first thing that came to my mind was, am i that bad or cruel thus make her do so?
hmmm, i think so..but, maybe i was me..now, i believe i change..
though people change, the history will remain...to be remembered..


well, meena gets good name-Snow White (because Alifah adores her)
abidah- Majade (or whatever, i'm  not sure- according to Alifah, kak bida is a person who always makes joke thus she gets that name)
anuar- meet abg nuar ( anuar like meet uncle hussien- the indie band)


whatever it is, i love my family...i hope to be a better person, nicer, and all the good qualities that a human should have..

report card day

tomorrow is report card day.
i have to go and collect my evidence test paper alone.
my teacher told me the reason for having this report card day. it is because he cares.

hmm, he already show to the class the statistic or graft of the numbers of students who pass and who fail.

ten students are below the passing marks. hmm, i believe that one of them are me. i really think that way.


maybe i need to analyse the factors that caused me to suffer such result.


but, whatever it is, i must be strong.......

seronoknya ke sekolah

adik-adik,
selamat kembali ke sekolah,

seronok ...
bermacam ragam, beraneka wajah, gembira saya melihat mereka.
semoga mereka akan menjadi orang yang memahami hakikat kehidupan ini..amin.

tapi, aku pulak yang sebak sampai menangis bila baca surat khabar pasal adik-adik darjah satu ke sekolah.
kisah adik Savio yg cacat penglihatan- tetapi masih bersemangat untuk datang ke sekolah walaupun tanpa ditemani siapa2, kisah 2 kanak-kanak istimewa yang akhirnya diterima masuk ke kelas khas yang agak jauh dari rumah mereka.....mereka punya pengalaman tersendiri dan semestinya Allah telah memilih mereka untuk berada dalam situasi sebegitu...begitu jua diriku, punya kenangan seakan itu..

bersyukur....
teringat akan kekurangan diri.
hmmm, seingatnya, semasa di darjah 4, saya masih tak berapa pandai membaca, menulis...
bahasa melayu satu hal. tak kira lagi bahasa inggeris...
mengaji quran? dah masuk uia, tapi mengaji bukan benda yang senang untuk saya....

banyak kesalahan bila saya membaca dan menulis...
saya selalu kata "i am careless", kadang-kadang tertukar kedudukan number - contohnya 47 akan jadi 74, kiri jadi kanan, kanan jadi kiri, baris atas jadi baris bawah, perkataan "shall not" saya baca "shall" dan akhirnya saya akan faham benda yang lain dari sebenarnya... jadi, sebab tu lah saya kata saya selalu cuai dan tak berhati-hati...(it still remains with me till now-hehe)

tapi, di uia ini saya diizinkan untuk mengetahui sesuatu yang agak lebih dari apa yang saya sedia maklum selama ini. saya berusaha untuk memerima kekurangan diri dan semestinya lebih bersungguh-sungguh (betul ke?) dan berhati-hati dalam urusan menuntut ilmu ini. ini penting, kalau tidak susah lah saya nak bertahan dan berjaya kerna saya punya kekurangan sebegitu...

melalui sedikit pembacaan saya, situasi sebegini merujuk kepada ciri-ciri orang yang mempunyai dyslexia. kalau nak tahu apakah dia dyslexia itu, sila la google sendiri.. hmm, but, i always claim that it is only a minor one...heheh. sebelum ini, saya ada juga berhubung dengan seorang pensyarah di institute of education, uia. alhamdulliah, dia ingin membantu saya dalam mengenal pasti sama ada saya benar-benar punyai dyslexia ini. tapi, selepas beberapa ketika, kami terputus hubungan kerna masing-masing sibuk dengan urusan lain.. insyaAllah, saya akan cuba hubungi beliau sebelum saya tamat pengajian di sini.. hmmm, semester depan insyaAllah ada lagi di sini untuk sambung Syariah (alasan untuk bertangguh menghubungi madam la ni-hehe)

okay, apa-apa pun, terima dan hargai diri anda. we are not perfect! berusaha, dan Allah akan membantu, InsayAllah. he gives us the bestEST...always, in any situation.

2010

my list!


1) more proactive (believe in myself that i can do the calling- sure- just do it), get three innocent sisters to be with me.
2) start driving the car so that my friends will get another one driver! (i got the driving licence in 2003 but till now still x confidence) 
3) to write an article at least and post it to any publisher.

-only some are released, hehe. there are many more actually.

convo 2009

2 muslimah t-shirts
2 books (puteri salsabilah and leftenan adnan)
no flowers for this year! so sad
but, Allah really loves me I believe...  finally He 'directed' a friend of mine to send me flowers... I am so happy...
my room looks nicer. hehe...
tqvm....